the lil,sugars- the begining

Warriors fan fiction created by members of the forum.
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the lady warrior
Rank: Warrior
Posts: 295
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:51 pm

the lil,sugars- the begining

Post by the lady warrior »

                                                part one:some guys called the warriors!!
                                                  bowery:11:00pm

  Rosie was in the lizzies hangout watching t.v while the others were making out with some guy's called the warriors but rosie werent concerned about them although she did have her eye on this little cute dude with an afro he was called something along the lines of rembrandt, but he looked suspicous about something. rosie had never realy had a boyfriend even though she was a very beatiful african-american girl. sarah:aint you gonna have a fun time with guys they wud litteraly die for us. rosie:whats going on sarah, sarah told rosie the plan and what had happen at the big meeting sarah:so what do you think? is it a good plan or not!! rosie: dont know i wouldnt get exited about it, i mean theese guys probally have even done it cos they look like cool-laid back guys. sarah walked away with a disapionted look on her face, then rosie went to the bathroom jjust as she was coming back out she heard a man scream "the chicks are packed, the chicks are packed" she came out and she thought i gotta help theese guys for some reason i got a feeling they havent done it so she unlocked the door for rembrandt rosie: sorry about this shit i know u havent done it and then rembrandt fled with the warriors!! leader:what the fuck was that rosie, now we have failed the riffs you dumb bitch, rosie: they havent done it emma  leader:how do you know? rosie: this guy told me he's a peddy but he saw what happened to cyrus and it werent the warriors. leader: fuck u rosie u always have to spoil things with your stupid thoughts and horrible looks, rosie: thats it aaahhh! rosie had dived at emma and then the other lizzies dragged her off her but rosie swung at them smashing them into walls and putting chairs over thier heads they were all out cold. rosie: thats what u get for messin with hottie now im going u bunch of assholes, she took her colours off and walked away out of thier lifes out of THE LIZZES, FOREVER!!

so thats my first fan fiction, comment on it and i hope you like it tell me if i shud continue thanksxx :) :D 8)

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4nik8
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Location: New York!

Re: the lil' sugars - the begining

Post by 4nik8 »

Remember, you've asked for comments!

The absolute first thing i would do is edit the story by adding paragraphs and white space

Look how vastly more readable it looks thusly:

the lady warrior's story below

*************************************************************************
Rosie was in The Lizzies hangout watching TV, while the others were making out with some guys called The Warriors, but Rosie wasn’t concerned about them, although she did have her eye on this little cute dude with an afro; he was called something along the lines of Rembrandt, but he looked suspicious about something.

Rosie had never really had a boyfriend, even though she was a very beautiful African-American girl.

Sarah: "Aint you gonna have a fun time with guys they would literally die for us."

Rosie: "What's going on, Sarah?

Sarah told Rosie the plan and what had happened at the big meeting

Sarah: "So what do you think? is it a good plan or not?!!"

Rosie: "don’t know I wouldn’t get excited about it, I mean these guys probably have even done it cos they look like cool-laid back guys."

Sarah walked away with a disappointed look on her face, and then Rosie went to the bathroom. Just as she was coming back out she heard a man scream, "The chicks are packed, the chicks are packed!"

She came out and she thought I gotta help these guys for some reason I got a feeling they haven’t done it, so she unlocked the door for Rembrandt

Rosie: "Sorry about this [bad word deleted] I know you haven’t done it"

Then Rembrandt fled with the warriors!!

Leader: "What the [bad word deleted] was that Rosie!? Now we have failed the riffs you dumb bitch!

Rosie: "They haven’t done it! "

Emma leader: "How do you know?"

Rosie: "This guy told me! He's a peddy but he saw what happened to Cyrus and it wasn’t The Warriors!"

Leader: [bad word deleted] "You, Rosie! You always have to spoil things with your stupid thoughts and horrible looks..."

Rosie: "That’s IT - AAAHHH!!"

Rosie had dived at Emma and then the other Lizzies dragged her off her but Rosie swung at them, smashing them into walls, and putting chairs over their heads!

They were all out cold!!

Rosie: "That’s what you get for messin’ with Hottie! Now I’m going, you bunch of assholes!!

She took her colors off and walked away out of their lives…

…out of THE LIZZIES, FOREVER!!

*************************************************************************
Last edited by 4nik8 on Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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ILLER...
Rank: Warrior
Posts: 658
Joined: Fri May 01, 2009 8:04 pm
Location: LA

Re: the lil,sugars- the begining

Post by ILLER... »

is this the story of how rosie became the first ever lady warrior?
And yea, you should defo continue it.
Last edited by ILLER... on Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
born in the 80s
raised in the 90s
i keep it 100

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the lady warrior
Rank: Warrior
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Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:51 pm

Re: the lil,sugars- the begining

Post by the lady warrior »

thanks for the comments guys i will continue!! :badgrin: :lol:

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