The Warriors Movie Site Forum

In the spirit of the season, here's my version of The Night Before Christmas. Enjoy.

The Night Before Christmas in Coney

T'was the night before Christmas, when all through Coney,
Not a creature was stirring, not even Luther's cronies;
The switchblades were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that no rivals soon would be there;
The Warriors were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of alcohol danced in their heads;

And Mercy in her tight top, with Swan flailing about,
They stumbled into bed, and quickly passed out;
The alcohol bottle fell to the floor,
Rolling on the hardwood and stopping by the drawer;
When out in the alley arose such a clatter,
Swan sprang from his bed to see what was the matter;

He fell to the floor because of the booze,
And upon his leg there spread a painful looking bruise;
He screamed, "Dammit hobos, if it's you again,"
"I'll drag you inside and beat you with a chain!";
Away to the window he stumbled in a haze,
He threw open the curtains and outside he gazed;

The streetlights shining down onto the streets,
The lights that had overseen wins and defeats;
Poured sodium lighting onto the ground below,
The yellow haze illuminating an odd looking fellow;
His suit was red and his hat like a cone,
White fur lining all of it from head to toe;

On first glance one would figure it was Santa Claus,
But Swan knew better, and picked out the flaws;
His chest was stained dark by booze-addled drool,
And he was mumbling much like a fool;
He could barely stand straight and nearly fell over,
And he was holding a bottle of whiskey moreover;

Swan slapped his forehead and grabbed his pipe,
Of all possible clubs, it was his favourite type;
He headed downstairs and walked out the back door,
Ignoring the propositions of the elf costume-clad whores;
He yanked open the gate and then stumbled out,
Looked at the faux Santa and gave a mighty shout;

"You dumb hobo moron, I'll crack open your head,"
"You're disturbing my Christmas, and for that you'll be dead!";
And with that he gave the pipe a big mighty swing,
But ricocheted off a lamp post with an ear-shaking ring;
Booze and fighting don't go well together,
And Swan made a note not to do it again, ever;

The drunk raised his arms and tried to say words,
But he couldn't be understood as his speech was too slurred;
The drunk reached to his face and pulled off the beard,
And beneath a familiar face did appear;
Ajax stared out from under the hat,
Then he puked again with a loud splat;

Swan gave out a sigh, then slapped his head,
Wishing for god to strike Ajax dead;
But, alas, it was not to be,
And he had to ask Ajax for the whole story;
"Well," said Ajax, leaning on the wall,
"I decided to get some money by being a Santa at the mall";

"Today was my last day, so I celebrated";
"By going out and getting inebriated";
"I found myself nearby and figured, what the hey",
"I'll wish Swan a merry Christmas before it's even the day";
"I guess I had a bit too much to drink",
"Because even right now it's a bit hard to think";

"But now I'm gonna go and find me some tail",
"Then get picked up by the pigs and spend the night in jail";
Swan chuckled, thinking "That's my Ajax",
And said, "Alright, go out and pick yourself up some snacks";
"I think you know what I mean by that",
He said with a look, and a nice hearty laugh;

Swan went back inside and stumbled into bed,
And on the way down he did crack his head;
He didn't feel it because of the booze,
But the next morning he could barely move;
And as for Ajax, well, as can be expected,
He drank enough booze to be much worse affected;

He stumbled down the alley, and without any warning,
Tripped over a garbage can and lay there 'till morning;
But before passed out, he got up with a fight,
And called, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

Well, 1st of all: Merry Chrisymas to you, too!!!

Now, congrats 4 you last work... AWESOME!!! =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>
I'd just say it's another ode...
... yeah AN ODE TO THE WARRIORS!!! 8)

That is just so funny! I freakin' love it!!

Great fan fiction mate i love it keep it up.

This was AMAZING. For writing this, you are now my hero.

Thats a good jingle right there lol .

Hahahaha I'm probably gonna' recite that every christmas i have!

warrior9721 wrote: Hahahaha I'm probably gonna' recite that every christmas i have!

That's a good idea, 9721.  I think we all should do that every Christmas.

GramercyRiff...  don't know how you do it.  I guess writing poetry is something one either can or can't do.
Ajax would be taking a job at the mall!  That's where all the girls are, right?
=P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~ =P~

(You bes' break out th'pump, Ajax.  Y'floodin' th' place!)