Alright guys, using my random dice rolling algorithm, I have matched up the two of you to be competing in this first round. You know the rules from the other thread, but all you need now is a theme! For this first round, I have decided to make the themes the names of Bruce Springsteen songs. Remember, you can handle these themes HOWEVER YOU WANT. If you want to interpret them literally, go ahead. If you want to do something creative with them, you're also welcome to. Just note that I'm just using the title of the songs because they're strangely appropriate, you don't even have to listen to them. Just use the title to think up a story set in the Warriors universe. You also don't have to use the theme as the title of the story, so if you want to come up with a creative title, feel free to do so.
Without further adieu, your theme is... "No surrender". Handle it however you like, and then post it in here when you're done.
The deadline is approximately one week from now, that being TWELVE NOON EASTERN STANDARD TIME (5 PM GMT, 9 AM PST) on June 24th. Note that you are encouraged to submit your entries before this, especially seeing as how it's in the middle of the day. I did this to avoid the obligatory "Do you mean 11:59 on the 23rd or 11:59 on the 24h or what?" questions that always pop up. If both people submit their entries before the deadline, I'll probably end up just judging them at that time, rather than having to judge six fics in one day later.
Good luck, competitors! I'm sure that, regardless of who wins and loses, I'll have some good reads ahead of me.
EDIT: I forgot to mention, feel free to comment on the stories in here even if you aren't a competitor. There's no such thing as too much feedback, after all.
Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
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GramercyRiff99
- Moderator
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Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Last edited by Anonymous on Tue Jun 17, 2008 5:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
No surrender.
1 night after the conclave.
The Remaining warriors are on the beach looking over the beutifull horizen.
" Now what do we do?" says snow to Vermin.
"I dunno. Just continue life as we did." Replied Vermin.
They both turn and look at Swan and Mercy holding hands looking over the sea and at the reflection of the sun which is rising as 8 am approches.
"Look at that. One minute they hate each other, the next they are going out." Says Vermin.
"Well. Thats love for you buddy. Thats love." Says snow.
Cochise walks up to the two and looks at the sea.
"What a [bad word deleted] night." Says Cochise
" I know, hopefully now it's done we can get back to normal." Says Vermin.
"Hey guys. Get back to the hangout, i I have got a announcement to make I'll be with you soon." Shouts Swan to The Warriors. They head back to the hangout. When they arrive back. All of the other Warriors stand and stare.
"Wheres Cleon?" asks Rhino.
"Cops grabed him or something" replied Cochise.
"What about Ajax and Fox?" Asks Ash.
"Cops got Ajax, we don't know about Fox." replies Cowboy.
"That must have been tough. getting through all those gangs." Says Dom.
The six just stare at him angrily and walk into the other corner of the room and sit down.
"I wonder what the annoucement will be" Asks Rembrandt.
"Just wait till Swan comes back." Replies snow.
Swan walks in the hangout with Mercy.
"Who's that chick?" asks Ash.
"Mercy" replies Swan.
" Is she your bird man?" Asks Ash.
Swan ignores him like he always does. Sometimes Ash says stuff he shouldn't. And one day he might not get away with it.
Swan Stands on the wooden table and looks around at the hangout.
He looks around and gasps.
"Warriors!" Shouts Swan.
Every Warrior turns to face Swan. They know it's something important because thats the announcement call. The Warlord allways stands on the table if it's an announcement.
"I have a big announcement to make. I'm leaving the gang tommorow. vermin will take over as Warcheif. I'm going to England. I can't put Mercy in the same state as me. So tommorow i set of." Explains Swan.
All the Warriors begin to chat amongs them selves. Swan leaves the hangout.
"Thats [bad word deleted] man" says Ash.
" I know. Just calm" it says vermin.
Vermin stands on the table.
"OK WARRIORS!! There is going to be some changes now i'm in charge. Number 1. You don't fight unless i give the all clear. 2. You obey my commands.3. Don't do anything unless i say." Explains Vermin
Vermin jumps of the table.
The next day.
Swan is packing his bags, suddenly he hears a knock. Swan opens the door and vermin walks in.
"I'm here to tell you Ajax has been released and should be back soon." Says Vermin.
"Ok. I will say my farewell to Ajax, then i'll take of." Says Swan
"Ok Swan" Says Vermin.
vermin leaves closing the door behind him.
Swan sits on his bed and starts to sulk.
" Is this the life which has been chosen for me." Swan says muttering to himself quitely.
he continues packing.meanwhile at the hangout. All the warriors are chillin about.
Rembrandt is playin video games while the other listen to the radio.
Suddenly a man bursts through the door and holds out a gun.
He looks like a cop.
The warriors start to panic.
Then they hear a smash of a bottle. The cop vigerously falls to the ground and Ajax stands there.
"[bad word deleted]ing Whimp" says Ajax.
Ajax enters the hangout and takes a sip o bills bear. he throws the bottle on the floor and sits down on the couch.
" Welcome back Ajax. I'm the new Warcheif" says Vermin.
"hey wheres swan?" asks Ajax.
" he's going to England" replies Snow.
" Well. now we have to start fresh." Says Ajax.
Swan walks in with Mercy.
"Ok we are of. Now. I will se you guys around" Says Swan
"See ya" Reply the Warriors.
Swan and Mercy leave the hangout.
The next day the Warriors are in their hangout.
them they here a smash, and a bottle comes flying through the window.
"[bad word deleted], what was that!" Shouts Rembrandt.
They look out of the windo, and the Mongrels are there laughing.
"coney is ours Warriors" Shouts a mongrel.
"Right. Snow, Cochise, Ajax, Ash, rembrandt and Rhino come with me. the rest keep guard here. We are going to war with the Mongrels.
A couple of Minutues later the Warriors are in a group with Vermin.
" Right. Warriors are going in the war for Coney. Now lets role." says Vermin.
The Warriors set off to get the Mongrels.
When they arrive they see no Mongrel in sight.
"Where are those [bad word deleted]s." Says Ajax.
"Right here Warriors" Shouts a Mongrel.
The Warriors turn to look at the 50 Mongrels.
"Havent you seen the light. We are just too strong." Says booker(The Mongrel leader.)
The Warriors turn to look at another set of Mongrels.
They are surrounded.
The Warriors see a gap and Run Towards it. The Mongrels chase them untill the warriors lose them.
The Mongrels go back laughing.
"Don't Worry warriors we won't Surrender." Says vermin.
THE END OF PART ONE!
1 night after the conclave.
The Remaining warriors are on the beach looking over the beutifull horizen.
" Now what do we do?" says snow to Vermin.
"I dunno. Just continue life as we did." Replied Vermin.
They both turn and look at Swan and Mercy holding hands looking over the sea and at the reflection of the sun which is rising as 8 am approches.
"Look at that. One minute they hate each other, the next they are going out." Says Vermin.
"Well. Thats love for you buddy. Thats love." Says snow.
Cochise walks up to the two and looks at the sea.
"What a [bad word deleted] night." Says Cochise
" I know, hopefully now it's done we can get back to normal." Says Vermin.
"Hey guys. Get back to the hangout, i I have got a announcement to make I'll be with you soon." Shouts Swan to The Warriors. They head back to the hangout. When they arrive back. All of the other Warriors stand and stare.
"Wheres Cleon?" asks Rhino.
"Cops grabed him or something" replied Cochise.
"What about Ajax and Fox?" Asks Ash.
"Cops got Ajax, we don't know about Fox." replies Cowboy.
"That must have been tough. getting through all those gangs." Says Dom.
The six just stare at him angrily and walk into the other corner of the room and sit down.
"I wonder what the annoucement will be" Asks Rembrandt.
"Just wait till Swan comes back." Replies snow.
Swan walks in the hangout with Mercy.
"Who's that chick?" asks Ash.
"Mercy" replies Swan.
" Is she your bird man?" Asks Ash.
Swan ignores him like he always does. Sometimes Ash says stuff he shouldn't. And one day he might not get away with it.
Swan Stands on the wooden table and looks around at the hangout.
He looks around and gasps.
"Warriors!" Shouts Swan.
Every Warrior turns to face Swan. They know it's something important because thats the announcement call. The Warlord allways stands on the table if it's an announcement.
"I have a big announcement to make. I'm leaving the gang tommorow. vermin will take over as Warcheif. I'm going to England. I can't put Mercy in the same state as me. So tommorow i set of." Explains Swan.
All the Warriors begin to chat amongs them selves. Swan leaves the hangout.
"Thats [bad word deleted] man" says Ash.
" I know. Just calm" it says vermin.
Vermin stands on the table.
"OK WARRIORS!! There is going to be some changes now i'm in charge. Number 1. You don't fight unless i give the all clear. 2. You obey my commands.3. Don't do anything unless i say." Explains Vermin
Vermin jumps of the table.
The next day.
Swan is packing his bags, suddenly he hears a knock. Swan opens the door and vermin walks in.
"I'm here to tell you Ajax has been released and should be back soon." Says Vermin.
"Ok. I will say my farewell to Ajax, then i'll take of." Says Swan
"Ok Swan" Says Vermin.
vermin leaves closing the door behind him.
Swan sits on his bed and starts to sulk.
" Is this the life which has been chosen for me." Swan says muttering to himself quitely.
he continues packing.meanwhile at the hangout. All the warriors are chillin about.
Rembrandt is playin video games while the other listen to the radio.
Suddenly a man bursts through the door and holds out a gun.
He looks like a cop.
The warriors start to panic.
Then they hear a smash of a bottle. The cop vigerously falls to the ground and Ajax stands there.
"[bad word deleted]ing Whimp" says Ajax.
Ajax enters the hangout and takes a sip o bills bear. he throws the bottle on the floor and sits down on the couch.
" Welcome back Ajax. I'm the new Warcheif" says Vermin.
"hey wheres swan?" asks Ajax.
" he's going to England" replies Snow.
" Well. now we have to start fresh." Says Ajax.
Swan walks in with Mercy.
"Ok we are of. Now. I will se you guys around" Says Swan
"See ya" Reply the Warriors.
Swan and Mercy leave the hangout.
The next day the Warriors are in their hangout.
them they here a smash, and a bottle comes flying through the window.
"[bad word deleted], what was that!" Shouts Rembrandt.
They look out of the windo, and the Mongrels are there laughing.
"coney is ours Warriors" Shouts a mongrel.
"Right. Snow, Cochise, Ajax, Ash, rembrandt and Rhino come with me. the rest keep guard here. We are going to war with the Mongrels.
A couple of Minutues later the Warriors are in a group with Vermin.
" Right. Warriors are going in the war for Coney. Now lets role." says Vermin.
The Warriors set off to get the Mongrels.
When they arrive they see no Mongrel in sight.
"Where are those [bad word deleted]s." Says Ajax.
"Right here Warriors" Shouts a Mongrel.
The Warriors turn to look at the 50 Mongrels.
"Havent you seen the light. We are just too strong." Says booker(The Mongrel leader.)
The Warriors turn to look at another set of Mongrels.
They are surrounded.
The Warriors see a gap and Run Towards it. The Mongrels chase them untill the warriors lose them.
The Mongrels go back laughing.
"Don't Worry warriors we won't Surrender." Says vermin.
THE END OF PART ONE!
Last edited by nazzac on Mon Jun 23, 2008 11:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
Nazzac The Living Legend: http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=11962.0
The Bangers(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10828.0
FURIES:Their Story(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10754.0
The Bangers(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10828.0
FURIES:Their Story(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10754.0
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Alright cool!
The title is "No surrender"....I have until June 24 to do this. Ok then. I'll start.
The title is "No surrender"....I have until June 24 to do this. Ok then. I'll start.
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Queens, 11:23pm
October 4,1978
Cold air flowing through the night sky. The Queens bridge was conjested with traffic. On the edge of the bridge staring down at the dark blue water was a young man in his early 20s. He was at the age of 24 yrs of age. His name was Baby bear. This young man led a gang called The Grizzilies. A clique that is loaded with exactly 164 members. Left alone to redeem. The constant honking and beeps of cars and trucks started to clutter his mind. He walked away from the edge and took off towards the opposite way all the vehicles were faced.His parted afro blew in the wind. The lights on the Queens bridge shone on his tan brown skin.
He had to get away. Only way was to go to hs hideout right by the ocean which was right across from the bridge.
================================
Grizzilies Hideout...
Baby bear walked inside the mansion. he looked around and saw the Artist,Red Pony sitting on a couch watching Jaws. Red Pony was the youngest. He was only 18 years old and he had talent. The talent to lay down good burners. Your potential rembrandt. Baby bear looked over Red Pony shoulder to get a glimpse of the movie."So whats been goin' on?" he asked. Pony was too busy in watching a random guy getting swallowed whole by the carnivours shark that had a everlasting hunger for flesh.
Bear poked Red Pony in the ear. "Hey did you hear me?" he asked demanding a answer.
The tagger still had his attention to the movie" Um...nothing that I know of." he replied."Uh oh looks like we'll need a bigger boat!" Red Pony murmured that famous quote from the movie.
Baby bear backed away and turned his back. "Pfft, looks like you'll need a bigger hearing aid!" he whispered to himself. He thought it was funny.
The warlord walked up the stairs to his office. His brown chuck taylors contacting the cold concrete steps. As soon as he reached his door he made a abrupt stop. He just remebered something. He walked down the stairs and hurriedly made his way through the back door. It led to a empty lot. This is where executions of captured rival gangs were held.
Baby bear looked on the ground carefully. He slowly waked through the tall grass tht swiped against his black jeans. He stopped suddenly and looked down to see a scaly creature. There it was. Egyptica. The anaconda. This was a man eater for sure. He sat next to his female serpen pet and rubbed its back. Its face was buried in the grass. It laid still letting baby bear rub its spine like a loyal snake should be.
"Your so beautiful." He whispered. Wow he's crazy.Talking to a snake. rom behind the warlord another member of the Grizzilies appeared. His name was Orion. He was in his late 20's.
"Excuse me Bear? Im gonna go get something from the Mutilators right quick. Do you wnat me to partner with someone just incase things get hot on the way down there?" Orion asked in a respectful manner.
Baby bear gave it thought. He pulled his head up turning his attention away from the beautiful reptile. He looked over at Orion."Go ahead. You choose to go by yourself. Take something with you." he advised.
Orion nodded letting the warlord know that he understood what he meant. Baby bear just sat there adoring his serpent as Orion left.
More to come....
October 4,1978
Cold air flowing through the night sky. The Queens bridge was conjested with traffic. On the edge of the bridge staring down at the dark blue water was a young man in his early 20s. He was at the age of 24 yrs of age. His name was Baby bear. This young man led a gang called The Grizzilies. A clique that is loaded with exactly 164 members. Left alone to redeem. The constant honking and beeps of cars and trucks started to clutter his mind. He walked away from the edge and took off towards the opposite way all the vehicles were faced.His parted afro blew in the wind. The lights on the Queens bridge shone on his tan brown skin.
He had to get away. Only way was to go to hs hideout right by the ocean which was right across from the bridge.
================================
Grizzilies Hideout...
Baby bear walked inside the mansion. he looked around and saw the Artist,Red Pony sitting on a couch watching Jaws. Red Pony was the youngest. He was only 18 years old and he had talent. The talent to lay down good burners. Your potential rembrandt. Baby bear looked over Red Pony shoulder to get a glimpse of the movie."So whats been goin' on?" he asked. Pony was too busy in watching a random guy getting swallowed whole by the carnivours shark that had a everlasting hunger for flesh.
Bear poked Red Pony in the ear. "Hey did you hear me?" he asked demanding a answer.
The tagger still had his attention to the movie" Um...nothing that I know of." he replied."Uh oh looks like we'll need a bigger boat!" Red Pony murmured that famous quote from the movie.
Baby bear backed away and turned his back. "Pfft, looks like you'll need a bigger hearing aid!" he whispered to himself. He thought it was funny.
The warlord walked up the stairs to his office. His brown chuck taylors contacting the cold concrete steps. As soon as he reached his door he made a abrupt stop. He just remebered something. He walked down the stairs and hurriedly made his way through the back door. It led to a empty lot. This is where executions of captured rival gangs were held.
Baby bear looked on the ground carefully. He slowly waked through the tall grass tht swiped against his black jeans. He stopped suddenly and looked down to see a scaly creature. There it was. Egyptica. The anaconda. This was a man eater for sure. He sat next to his female serpen pet and rubbed its back. Its face was buried in the grass. It laid still letting baby bear rub its spine like a loyal snake should be.
"Your so beautiful." He whispered. Wow he's crazy.Talking to a snake. rom behind the warlord another member of the Grizzilies appeared. His name was Orion. He was in his late 20's.
"Excuse me Bear? Im gonna go get something from the Mutilators right quick. Do you wnat me to partner with someone just incase things get hot on the way down there?" Orion asked in a respectful manner.
Baby bear gave it thought. He pulled his head up turning his attention away from the beautiful reptile. He looked over at Orion."Go ahead. You choose to go by yourself. Take something with you." he advised.
Orion nodded letting the warlord know that he understood what he meant. Baby bear just sat there adoring his serpent as Orion left.
More to come....
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Wow! that was a great start Baby Bear!! Im definately staying tuned for the future chapters!! 
[img]http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z215/Gezza01/fableandhalogezzado.jpg[/img]
[color=red]That that dont kill me can only make me stronger.[/color]
[color=red]That that dont kill me can only make me stronger.[/color]
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Orion took it upon himself to travel the streets alone. He kept a pocketknife in his brown overalls. Whilemost Grizzily soldiers wore black jean jackets or brown jean jacket with the grizzily insignia on the back some of them chose to wear dark brown overalls. Orion past a alleyway and heard a conversation. He became curious. He hide on the side of a nearby building and examined the alley with his eyesight. His tan brown skin pressing against the brick wall. He witness the Grizzilies rivals, The Zulus.
While the Zulus kept trying to attempt thir drug trades ad gun trades. The Grizzilies took it upon themselves to stop their potential accomplishments and neutralizing their members caught roaming Queens. There were two of foreign gangmembers(The Zulus) talking with some dopehead. These guys don't look too strong. Orion produces his pocket knife. He takes a deep breath. He reveals himself.
"Hey get out of here! How many times do we have to kill you guys? You all are like roaches!" Orion shouted in courage.
The two gangmembers turned their backs to Orion. They were speechless. No fear was struck in them at all. Something bad is about to happen.
-----------------------------------------
Baby bear rubbed his eyes feeling tired. He laid on the couch instead of resting in his personal office. He had no choice but to click the remote buttons and surf channels out of boredum. Once the door of the mansion opened his pulled his head up and threw the remote down on the tiled floor. There was Warchief, Bearclaw. He had a cigarette in his mouth. He looked over at Baby bear.
"The hell have you been?" Bearclaw asked.
"I've been on the bridge. Then I just ended up here." Baby bear expalined with a low tone voice. No enthusiasm.
Bearclaw took the cigarette out his mouth."Well you think your gonna be ok?' he asked. The warlord nodded his head.
Bearclaw hunched his shoulders and didn't say another word. He just left back outside just to hang around.
----------------------------------------------
Skyhorse was scouting. He was the heavy muscle. Its early in the morning. The time was 3:07 am. He was leaning on a building further down in long island which was located in the neighborhoods. In a instant he heard humming. Scraping against the pavement. Skyhorse put his hands in his brown jeaned vest and looked over to his side. There he saw Orion crawling on the grown. He was breathing hard. His lips bloody. He looked hyper but then again tired.
"What the f*ck happened? You got beat up?" Skyhorse asked as he ran to his fallen comrades aid. He threw Orion arm around his shoulder and carried him back to the Hideout.
----------------------------------------------------
Baby bear was wide awake. He turned off the Television. He rubbed his eyes again and put the remote on the couch. The door finally opened. He noticed Skyhorse carrying Orion inside. "What the hell happened?" he asked approaching the two. He retrieved Orion from out of Skyhorse arms. He laid him on the couch.
"Where'd you find him?" Baby bear asked looking surprised.
"I found him on the ground gasping for air like crazy! I don't know where the hell he came from." Skyhorse answered.
"Dammit. He told he was was gonna get something from the Mutilators. I told him to take something with him."
Skyhorse showed Baby bear the pocketknife."Evidently he did. I found this on him. The blade wasn't even sprung. It makes no difference he can't defend himself against ten guys at one time."
Bear knelt down besides the shivering Orion. Orion his eyes wide. He closely examined him.
"C'mon warlord he just got wrecked. It happens to us. You win some you lose some. Thats how things are." Skyhorse said in a irritated voice." Your just treating him like a little baby. This guy is 27 years old. He can take a beating."
"You say thats not serious." Bear said in a flat voice with no enthusiasm." not only he's been laid into but he has been drugged. Look at his eyes. Soon enough we'll have a druggie in our gang. Everything will fall. Im sure of it. We can't have that." Baby bear turned his head and faced Skyhorse making eye contact.
Everything grew silent.
"What? Check this guy into a rehab clinic?" Skyhorse asked.
Baby bear shrugged."I dunno. I doubt they'll take him. Just remeber what background he has. We are the defintion of his history. This gang is. We'll just have to help him ourselves. Try locking him in the basement downstairs. If he gets out of this place there will be probelms.Matters will only get worse."
Skyhorse agreed."yeah I see what you mean." he retrieved Orion from the couch and carried hismelf downstairs in the basement.
the warlord wonders. Who the f*ck has done this to his men. Maybe the Queens bridge Mutilators? These guys were a strong alliance. How can they break it so sudden?
More to come...
While the Zulus kept trying to attempt thir drug trades ad gun trades. The Grizzilies took it upon themselves to stop their potential accomplishments and neutralizing their members caught roaming Queens. There were two of foreign gangmembers(The Zulus) talking with some dopehead. These guys don't look too strong. Orion produces his pocket knife. He takes a deep breath. He reveals himself.
"Hey get out of here! How many times do we have to kill you guys? You all are like roaches!" Orion shouted in courage.
The two gangmembers turned their backs to Orion. They were speechless. No fear was struck in them at all. Something bad is about to happen.
-----------------------------------------
Baby bear rubbed his eyes feeling tired. He laid on the couch instead of resting in his personal office. He had no choice but to click the remote buttons and surf channels out of boredum. Once the door of the mansion opened his pulled his head up and threw the remote down on the tiled floor. There was Warchief, Bearclaw. He had a cigarette in his mouth. He looked over at Baby bear.
"The hell have you been?" Bearclaw asked.
"I've been on the bridge. Then I just ended up here." Baby bear expalined with a low tone voice. No enthusiasm.
Bearclaw took the cigarette out his mouth."Well you think your gonna be ok?' he asked. The warlord nodded his head.
Bearclaw hunched his shoulders and didn't say another word. He just left back outside just to hang around.
----------------------------------------------
Skyhorse was scouting. He was the heavy muscle. Its early in the morning. The time was 3:07 am. He was leaning on a building further down in long island which was located in the neighborhoods. In a instant he heard humming. Scraping against the pavement. Skyhorse put his hands in his brown jeaned vest and looked over to his side. There he saw Orion crawling on the grown. He was breathing hard. His lips bloody. He looked hyper but then again tired.
"What the f*ck happened? You got beat up?" Skyhorse asked as he ran to his fallen comrades aid. He threw Orion arm around his shoulder and carried him back to the Hideout.
----------------------------------------------------
Baby bear was wide awake. He turned off the Television. He rubbed his eyes again and put the remote on the couch. The door finally opened. He noticed Skyhorse carrying Orion inside. "What the hell happened?" he asked approaching the two. He retrieved Orion from out of Skyhorse arms. He laid him on the couch.
"Where'd you find him?" Baby bear asked looking surprised.
"I found him on the ground gasping for air like crazy! I don't know where the hell he came from." Skyhorse answered.
"Dammit. He told he was was gonna get something from the Mutilators. I told him to take something with him."
Skyhorse showed Baby bear the pocketknife."Evidently he did. I found this on him. The blade wasn't even sprung. It makes no difference he can't defend himself against ten guys at one time."
Bear knelt down besides the shivering Orion. Orion his eyes wide. He closely examined him.
"C'mon warlord he just got wrecked. It happens to us. You win some you lose some. Thats how things are." Skyhorse said in a irritated voice." Your just treating him like a little baby. This guy is 27 years old. He can take a beating."
"You say thats not serious." Bear said in a flat voice with no enthusiasm." not only he's been laid into but he has been drugged. Look at his eyes. Soon enough we'll have a druggie in our gang. Everything will fall. Im sure of it. We can't have that." Baby bear turned his head and faced Skyhorse making eye contact.
Everything grew silent.
"What? Check this guy into a rehab clinic?" Skyhorse asked.
Baby bear shrugged."I dunno. I doubt they'll take him. Just remeber what background he has. We are the defintion of his history. This gang is. We'll just have to help him ourselves. Try locking him in the basement downstairs. If he gets out of this place there will be probelms.Matters will only get worse."
Skyhorse agreed."yeah I see what you mean." he retrieved Orion from the couch and carried hismelf downstairs in the basement.
the warlord wonders. Who the f*ck has done this to his men. Maybe the Queens bridge Mutilators? These guys were a strong alliance. How can they break it so sudden?
More to come...
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Baby bear was facing Orion who was huddled in fetal postion in the cold corner of the basement. Morning finally came. He stared at him. "I know its not your fault this happened." he had plenty of time to take a rest and think about what can be done in this situation. Bear walked out the basement trying to think if condemning Orion in the basement will help him get sober from this recent drug addiction.
The door closed behind him. On his way to the office he saw Scout, War eagle and Tagger, Red Pony.
"Where'd you come from?" War eagle asked Baby bear.
"I just came from the basement. Orion is in there. Bad news about him." Bear explained.
Red pony raised his eyebrow."Whats wrong with him?" he asked.
Baby bear felt stricken if he told this to his members." He was....drugged. Turns out he'll be a f*ckin' stoner."
The two soldiers looked surprised at what was told to them. Baby bear walked away. The two grenadiers looked at the basement door downstairs. They decided to see for themselves. Red Pony approached the door and opened it. War eagle looked inside to see orion in his overalls fidgeting in the cold corner.
"Maybe he's cold. Its freakin' down in his place." Red pony suggested. War eagle agreed. "Yeah I really don't see anything wrong with him. Lets give the guy some air."
They pulled Orion up to his feet. "Ok buddy. You can go. We don't want you to turn to a ice cube."
It was a extreme blessing that Orion was let loose. Well inside his mind. First thing he did was run out without saying a thank you. He's after something. Something to crave his addiction.
"No thanks?" War eagle said. "Pfft, Ungrateful bastard."
-----------------------------------------------
Baby bear called up the Queens Bridge Mutilators. He had to talk with their Warlord, Nero. "Hey did Orion visit you all yesterday?" he asked. The warlord of the Mutilators was puzzled by this question. "No. He was suppsoe to. After all you notified us on who you were suppose to send."
"You sure?" Bear asked.
"Yes we are sure. Also we saw some Zulus pass through last nght. So my mind has me thinking."
Before the Grizzilies warlord hung up the phone he gave the Mutilators a quick thanks for the advise they gave him .Not enough but saying the Zulus name was a whole lot to him.
He burst out his office with his derringer firearm tucked in his pocket. He trotted down the stairs and passed the basement. Something was unusual. He looked at the basement door and noticed it was open.
"Aww sh*t!" Bear whispered.
He hurriedly rounded up Bearclaw, Skyhorse and Aegina. They were ready to put a assault on the Zulus. They've been causing too much trouble. The poor Zulus have been losing the war against them but its time to end everything. All of their lives. They've ruined the Grizzilies.
More to come...
The door closed behind him. On his way to the office he saw Scout, War eagle and Tagger, Red Pony.
"Where'd you come from?" War eagle asked Baby bear.
"I just came from the basement. Orion is in there. Bad news about him." Bear explained.
Red pony raised his eyebrow."Whats wrong with him?" he asked.
Baby bear felt stricken if he told this to his members." He was....drugged. Turns out he'll be a f*ckin' stoner."
The two soldiers looked surprised at what was told to them. Baby bear walked away. The two grenadiers looked at the basement door downstairs. They decided to see for themselves. Red Pony approached the door and opened it. War eagle looked inside to see orion in his overalls fidgeting in the cold corner.
"Maybe he's cold. Its freakin' down in his place." Red pony suggested. War eagle agreed. "Yeah I really don't see anything wrong with him. Lets give the guy some air."
They pulled Orion up to his feet. "Ok buddy. You can go. We don't want you to turn to a ice cube."
It was a extreme blessing that Orion was let loose. Well inside his mind. First thing he did was run out without saying a thank you. He's after something. Something to crave his addiction.
"No thanks?" War eagle said. "Pfft, Ungrateful bastard."
-----------------------------------------------
Baby bear called up the Queens Bridge Mutilators. He had to talk with their Warlord, Nero. "Hey did Orion visit you all yesterday?" he asked. The warlord of the Mutilators was puzzled by this question. "No. He was suppsoe to. After all you notified us on who you were suppose to send."
"You sure?" Bear asked.
"Yes we are sure. Also we saw some Zulus pass through last nght. So my mind has me thinking."
Before the Grizzilies warlord hung up the phone he gave the Mutilators a quick thanks for the advise they gave him .Not enough but saying the Zulus name was a whole lot to him.
He burst out his office with his derringer firearm tucked in his pocket. He trotted down the stairs and passed the basement. Something was unusual. He looked at the basement door and noticed it was open.
"Aww sh*t!" Bear whispered.
He hurriedly rounded up Bearclaw, Skyhorse and Aegina. They were ready to put a assault on the Zulus. They've been causing too much trouble. The poor Zulus have been losing the war against them but its time to end everything. All of their lives. They've ruined the Grizzilies.
More to come...
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Short part.
The Warriors who were on patrol returned to the hangout.
"How did it go" Asked Marcos.
"Not good" Replied Vermin
"They outnumberd us" Said Cochise
"Damn. We got to rid those suckers" Said Ash.
"Right. Marcos, this is a chance to prove yourself. Your gonna prove that you are a warrior, We will meet us at the fighting pen" Explains Vermin.
A couple of minutes later they arrive.
"Right young blood. This is prooving time. Beat Rembrandt. Your a warrior. No get going." Says Vermin.
Rembrandt jumps down and holds his fists up in the air. Marcos looks around and turns back to face Rembrandt. Marcos holds his fists up. They stare at each other for a couple of seconds. Rembrandt braces himself and swing for Marcos. He connect marcos on the jaw, Marcos pulls back. The chargest at Rembrandt and takes him down with a feirce rugby tackle. Marcos used to be a rugby player when he was a kid, so no wonder Rembrandt went down hard. Marcos started to hit Rembrandt and continues to do so.
"Right Marcos thats enough. Your a warrior" Shouts Vermin.
Marcos lets go of a bloody Rembrandt and gets up onto his feet with a big rin on his face. he helps Rembrandt up who leaves the pen. Marcos follows him out.
"Hey Marcos heres your vest" Shouts Vermin.
Vermin throws Marcos the Warriors vest. marcos stares at it and slowley put's it on.
"Thanks man" Says Marcos.
Marcos walks of into the hangout.
" That kid has got some skills man." Says snow.
"yeah. He has good protential." Says Cochise.
"Now get back to the hangout." Says Vermin.
The warriors are in the hangout.
Ash comes bursting in all out of breath.
"Guys. Theres a group of Mongrels by the subway." Explains Ash.
"Well we will fight them" says Vermin.
"Well we better be quick" says Ash.
"Cochise and Snow. Get all the Warriors. We are all going out for battle" Says Vermin.
The Warriors who were on patrol returned to the hangout.
"How did it go" Asked Marcos.
"Not good" Replied Vermin
"They outnumberd us" Said Cochise
"Damn. We got to rid those suckers" Said Ash.
"Right. Marcos, this is a chance to prove yourself. Your gonna prove that you are a warrior, We will meet us at the fighting pen" Explains Vermin.
A couple of minutes later they arrive.
"Right young blood. This is prooving time. Beat Rembrandt. Your a warrior. No get going." Says Vermin.
Rembrandt jumps down and holds his fists up in the air. Marcos looks around and turns back to face Rembrandt. Marcos holds his fists up. They stare at each other for a couple of seconds. Rembrandt braces himself and swing for Marcos. He connect marcos on the jaw, Marcos pulls back. The chargest at Rembrandt and takes him down with a feirce rugby tackle. Marcos used to be a rugby player when he was a kid, so no wonder Rembrandt went down hard. Marcos started to hit Rembrandt and continues to do so.
"Right Marcos thats enough. Your a warrior" Shouts Vermin.
Marcos lets go of a bloody Rembrandt and gets up onto his feet with a big rin on his face. he helps Rembrandt up who leaves the pen. Marcos follows him out.
"Hey Marcos heres your vest" Shouts Vermin.
Vermin throws Marcos the Warriors vest. marcos stares at it and slowley put's it on.
"Thanks man" Says Marcos.
Marcos walks of into the hangout.
" That kid has got some skills man." Says snow.
"yeah. He has good protential." Says Cochise.
"Now get back to the hangout." Says Vermin.
The warriors are in the hangout.
Ash comes bursting in all out of breath.
"Guys. Theres a group of Mongrels by the subway." Explains Ash.
"Well we will fight them" says Vermin.
"Well we better be quick" says Ash.
"Cochise and Snow. Get all the Warriors. We are all going out for battle" Says Vermin.
Nazzac The Living Legend: http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=11962.0
The Bangers(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10828.0
FURIES:Their Story(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10754.0
The Bangers(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10828.0
FURIES:Their Story(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10754.0
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
The Warriors exit their hangout and head for the subway. the hold all sorts of wepons.
They arrive to see some Mongrels hanging out.
"Ohh. Get of our turf" Shouts Vermin
"And what are you going to do Vermin" Shouts booker.
"You will soon realise that this is our turf, and you lot are a load of shit heads" Shouts Vermin
"And it's about time, Warriors. that your not as strong as people think, Your aload of Pussys who had a spornie run against a tired out Furies. You can't win Warriors, just admit defeat. Just give up Coney and go to seperate gangs. It will be more safer. So are you gonna take our Advice." Shouts Booker to a very angry Vermin.
"Fuck u Booker. We are one of the heavy sets around here. You are not even on the Riffs network." Shouts Vermin.
"Well Warriors. You asked for it Warriors." shouts Booker.
Booker grabs a cocktail. And throws it at the Warriors.
It blows up on Ash. Ash Falls to the floor.
" See Warriors." Shouts Booker.
The Mongrels start to laugh.
"You will pay Booker." Shouts Vermin.
Vermin Charges at the Mongrels
He is followed by the rest of the Warriors.
Vermin connects with a right hook on Bookers jaw and the brawl is on.
Booker punches Vermin back.
Ajax Knocks one out.
While Marcos Knocks one of his own.
Booker continues to pound on Vermin.
vermin gets up and connects with another punch to the nose.
vermin grabs Booker Knees him 3 times in the head.
Booker is out.
Not long after all the Mongrels are out.
"Fuckin whimps got wasted" Says Ajax.
" And Coney is now ours" Says Cochise
"Warriors. We have no passed another test. We have not Surrenderd Coney. We will never Surrender Coney.
it's Our Turf. Nobody will mess with our rep without getting wasted." Shouts Vermin.
"Your damn right man." Shouts Cochise.
"WARRIORS!" Shouts an unknown voice.
They Turn around to see Cleon Walking towards them. They grin.
"What have i missed." asks Cleon.
"We have just token the mongrels out. Swan left for England, and half of us made it back." Says Vermin.
"Warriors. Go back to the hangout." Demands Cleon
The Warriors head back for the hangout.
the arrive back and sit down.
"Alright now Boppers. Heres the latest from the street. The Warriors have took out the Mongrels. Not good For the Mongrels.
I'm Sure Booker wouldn't be happy. more news from the real live bunch from Coney. There leader Cleon has made it home, after the conclave.
Thats the latest Boppers. The warriors wouldn't Surrender Coney. not at all." Says the DJ
THE END
They arrive to see some Mongrels hanging out.
"Ohh. Get of our turf" Shouts Vermin
"And what are you going to do Vermin" Shouts booker.
"You will soon realise that this is our turf, and you lot are a load of shit heads" Shouts Vermin
"And it's about time, Warriors. that your not as strong as people think, Your aload of Pussys who had a spornie run against a tired out Furies. You can't win Warriors, just admit defeat. Just give up Coney and go to seperate gangs. It will be more safer. So are you gonna take our Advice." Shouts Booker to a very angry Vermin.
"Fuck u Booker. We are one of the heavy sets around here. You are not even on the Riffs network." Shouts Vermin.
"Well Warriors. You asked for it Warriors." shouts Booker.
Booker grabs a cocktail. And throws it at the Warriors.
It blows up on Ash. Ash Falls to the floor.
" See Warriors." Shouts Booker.
The Mongrels start to laugh.
"You will pay Booker." Shouts Vermin.
Vermin Charges at the Mongrels
He is followed by the rest of the Warriors.
Vermin connects with a right hook on Bookers jaw and the brawl is on.
Booker punches Vermin back.
Ajax Knocks one out.
While Marcos Knocks one of his own.
Booker continues to pound on Vermin.
vermin gets up and connects with another punch to the nose.
vermin grabs Booker Knees him 3 times in the head.
Booker is out.
Not long after all the Mongrels are out.
"Fuckin whimps got wasted" Says Ajax.
" And Coney is now ours" Says Cochise
"Warriors. We have no passed another test. We have not Surrenderd Coney. We will never Surrender Coney.
it's Our Turf. Nobody will mess with our rep without getting wasted." Shouts Vermin.
"Your damn right man." Shouts Cochise.
"WARRIORS!" Shouts an unknown voice.
They Turn around to see Cleon Walking towards them. They grin.
"What have i missed." asks Cleon.
"We have just token the mongrels out. Swan left for England, and half of us made it back." Says Vermin.
"Warriors. Go back to the hangout." Demands Cleon
The Warriors head back for the hangout.
the arrive back and sit down.
"Alright now Boppers. Heres the latest from the street. The Warriors have took out the Mongrels. Not good For the Mongrels.
I'm Sure Booker wouldn't be happy. more news from the real live bunch from Coney. There leader Cleon has made it home, after the conclave.
Thats the latest Boppers. The warriors wouldn't Surrender Coney. not at all." Says the DJ
THE END
Nazzac The Living Legend: http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=11962.0
The Bangers(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10828.0
FURIES:Their Story(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10754.0
The Bangers(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10828.0
FURIES:Their Story(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10754.0
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
A lincoln caddilac crept along the streets of Bronx. Inside was the four Grizzilies.Bearclaw, Aegina, Baby bear and Skyhorse.They looked up and down the streets. Baby bear was driving. Bearclaw was in the passenger seat. Aegina was in the back along with Skyhorse who was pressing the tip of his nose on the cold glass looking for the Zulus hideout.
"You know it shouldn't be too hard to find these f*ckers. But its giving me hell of a hard time." Skyhorse said feeling aggravated.
"Well look harder." Baby bear advised as he took a gance at the sidewalk and all the empty buildings.
Empty buildings were in this part Bronx. They weren't constructed. After all Bronx was the part of New york that was a slum along with Tremont. Nobody cared enough to make extra houses or even shelters for the homeless. Baby bear stopped the car on the side of the road. He let down the window.
"Mind as well play some music." He said with a soft voice. He turned the radio on to "The Seeker' by The Who.
As the music played loudly. It was sending a message. Someone was going to recieve it. But who?
---------------------------------------------------
Orion sat on a red dirty couch inside a building of Bronx. Here is Zulu turf. He had a crack pip hel to his mouth. Blowing and inhalng. In a matter of seconds he heard a song. A song by The Who. The song pulsated through the dusty glass window of the three story building. He dragged himself toards the window and poked his head outside. He looked down at the ground and saw a Lincoln cadillac parked right besides the building.
First word came to his mind was Bear. Orion accidently knocked off a small rusted vase making it fall on the pavemen right next to the car.
-----------------------------------------------------
Skyhorse saw something fall. A glass object. It startled him. He looked down at the broken object.
"What the fuck is that? Its raining glass?" Skyhorse asked himself as he looked up. A amazing sight caught his eye. The other guys heard the small crash but they didn't see what Skyhorse saw. Someone familiar was peaking out the window.
"Hey bear...Orion is here. He's in here!"Skyhorse pointed at the window directing towards the building next to them.
"Your kidding, man." Bearclaw said.
"No im serious!" Skyhorse yelled.
"I agree with him. Lets go in there and check it out!" Bear suggested. He turned off the radio. He took his derringer gun from out the glove department.
"Oh you got protection, huh?" Bearclaw asked with asmirk on his face with his body half way out the car.
"Hell yeah. Its great to be prepared!" The warlord answered as he let himself out the car.
All four of these young men were ready for action. They walked around the corner of the building. Baby bear pointed his gun at the center of the door ready to kick it open. Bearclaw produced a indian dagger with remarkable lenght of 8 inch of sharp steel. Aegina was equipped with brass knuckles. Skyhorse just had bare fist and legs for action.
In a instant Baby bear kicked open the door and cautiosly rushed in with his derringer pointed all around the room. The others followed. Silence. Just silence.
"Aww f*ck! Nobody is here!" Bearclaw said feeling disappointed.
"Yes there is. I swear I saw Orion in here. He must be at the third floor." Skyhorse shot back at Bearclaw."Lets go!"
Baby bear went along with Skyhorse up the stairs. As they pased the second floor they heard talking. It was the Zulus. One of them were giving commands. This person who was talking had a low grunting like voice. It was The Zulus Warcheif, Chester. He was the drug dealer. The one who f*cks with peoples minds. Dr. Death was his nickname.
"I think we should take these guys out so we can get Orion out of here fast!" Aegina whispered looking at the room down the hall where the voices were coming from.
"Sounds so true. We should do it." Bearclaw agreed.
Baby bear slowly walked down the corridor with the oters following him. Baby bear stood in front of the door with his gun pointed.Bearclaw stood at the side with his Dagger by his face.
Soon the door opened. Suddenly Baby bear shot the gun as a Zulu soldier opened the door to exit the room. It made a direct hit in the face area. in the middle of the head. Obliterating the eyes and detroying brain matter and burning away tissue. Party time!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Orion eyes widen. He raced down the staiars and stopped to see his fellow comrafdes in action against the Zulus. His eyes were black as if he had on heavey eyeliner. His skin was getting acne ridden. He watched feeling sorry for what was happening. All he could do was watch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Baby bear was laying on his back after getting knocked down by one of the Zulu soldiers. His gun was out of bullets. He felt smeone watching him. He looked over to the side and saw Orion staring at him. The evening sun piercing through the windows behind him. He looked like a ghost.
Bear turned his head away and looked inside the room. He saw Bearclaw stab one of the Zulus in the face with dagger. He violently ripped it out with the victim sceaming and bleeding on the floor. Skyhorse tossed another Zulu out the window breaking the glass. Aegina was constantly beating another Zulu in the mouth until he was literally toothless after the victim busted his lip.
The warlord was staring in the door way until a size 10 converse shoe kicked him in the side of his face causing him to bite his tongue and shed blood. It was Chester. He stared down at Baby bear and pulled out a switchblade.
"You f*ckhead! I see yo stupid a** want your life to end early. Besides we got one of yo boys upstairs! Smokin' my sh*t! Whatcha' gonnado now?" he shouted.
Out of nowhere Orion pushed Chester away from Baby bear. He came to the aid of Baby bear pretty fast. "You ok?" Orion mumbled as he sat over his warlord breathing hard. Baby bear just looked at him. A surprise look. He was speechless.
"Take this f*cker!"
Chester rammed the blade into Orion ribcage on his right side. Orion fell over on the red carpet floor crying and screaming.
"F*ck!" Bear shouted. He raised up his leg and kicked Chester away. He got onto his feet and puhed Dr. Death into the wall. He gave him a right hook making him fall to the floor dropping his blade. The warlord stepped on Chesters hand making him scream in pain. He took his right foot and stomped him in the back of his bald head. Skull cracking. What a beautiful tone.
Baby bear turned his attention to Orion who couldn't catch his breath. He rushed over to accompany him. "We're gonna get you to the hospital."
"Leave me here to bleed. All i'll do is come back and f*ck up again. I won't surrender *cough*...to this sh*t" Orion replied in a guttural voice blood rushing out his mouth. The other members were standing out the door watching Bear aid their fallen comrade.
"Im not." Baby bear insisted as he held Orion in his arms like a child.
Orion closed his eyes. Bleeding to death. He finally met the envitable. It was death.
The others were speechless except for Bearclaw.He approached baby bear and put his hand on his right shoudler" C'mon lets go. We can't leave him here. Lets make him a grave. Have a special ceremony. At least he didn't surrender to drugs. He died willingly. Death was his escape from succumbing to this piece of sh*t!"
Baby bear nodded his head. "No surrender."
Silence. Sadness. These two were the aura of the moment. At least he didn't surrender to the drugs and let it all f*ck with his mind completely.
THE END
"You know it shouldn't be too hard to find these f*ckers. But its giving me hell of a hard time." Skyhorse said feeling aggravated.
"Well look harder." Baby bear advised as he took a gance at the sidewalk and all the empty buildings.
Empty buildings were in this part Bronx. They weren't constructed. After all Bronx was the part of New york that was a slum along with Tremont. Nobody cared enough to make extra houses or even shelters for the homeless. Baby bear stopped the car on the side of the road. He let down the window.
"Mind as well play some music." He said with a soft voice. He turned the radio on to "The Seeker' by The Who.
As the music played loudly. It was sending a message. Someone was going to recieve it. But who?
---------------------------------------------------
Orion sat on a red dirty couch inside a building of Bronx. Here is Zulu turf. He had a crack pip hel to his mouth. Blowing and inhalng. In a matter of seconds he heard a song. A song by The Who. The song pulsated through the dusty glass window of the three story building. He dragged himself toards the window and poked his head outside. He looked down at the ground and saw a Lincoln cadillac parked right besides the building.
First word came to his mind was Bear. Orion accidently knocked off a small rusted vase making it fall on the pavemen right next to the car.
-----------------------------------------------------
Skyhorse saw something fall. A glass object. It startled him. He looked down at the broken object.
"What the fuck is that? Its raining glass?" Skyhorse asked himself as he looked up. A amazing sight caught his eye. The other guys heard the small crash but they didn't see what Skyhorse saw. Someone familiar was peaking out the window.
"Hey bear...Orion is here. He's in here!"Skyhorse pointed at the window directing towards the building next to them.
"Your kidding, man." Bearclaw said.
"No im serious!" Skyhorse yelled.
"I agree with him. Lets go in there and check it out!" Bear suggested. He turned off the radio. He took his derringer gun from out the glove department.
"Oh you got protection, huh?" Bearclaw asked with asmirk on his face with his body half way out the car.
"Hell yeah. Its great to be prepared!" The warlord answered as he let himself out the car.
All four of these young men were ready for action. They walked around the corner of the building. Baby bear pointed his gun at the center of the door ready to kick it open. Bearclaw produced a indian dagger with remarkable lenght of 8 inch of sharp steel. Aegina was equipped with brass knuckles. Skyhorse just had bare fist and legs for action.
In a instant Baby bear kicked open the door and cautiosly rushed in with his derringer pointed all around the room. The others followed. Silence. Just silence.
"Aww f*ck! Nobody is here!" Bearclaw said feeling disappointed.
"Yes there is. I swear I saw Orion in here. He must be at the third floor." Skyhorse shot back at Bearclaw."Lets go!"
Baby bear went along with Skyhorse up the stairs. As they pased the second floor they heard talking. It was the Zulus. One of them were giving commands. This person who was talking had a low grunting like voice. It was The Zulus Warcheif, Chester. He was the drug dealer. The one who f*cks with peoples minds. Dr. Death was his nickname.
"I think we should take these guys out so we can get Orion out of here fast!" Aegina whispered looking at the room down the hall where the voices were coming from.
"Sounds so true. We should do it." Bearclaw agreed.
Baby bear slowly walked down the corridor with the oters following him. Baby bear stood in front of the door with his gun pointed.Bearclaw stood at the side with his Dagger by his face.
Soon the door opened. Suddenly Baby bear shot the gun as a Zulu soldier opened the door to exit the room. It made a direct hit in the face area. in the middle of the head. Obliterating the eyes and detroying brain matter and burning away tissue. Party time!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Orion eyes widen. He raced down the staiars and stopped to see his fellow comrafdes in action against the Zulus. His eyes were black as if he had on heavey eyeliner. His skin was getting acne ridden. He watched feeling sorry for what was happening. All he could do was watch.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Baby bear was laying on his back after getting knocked down by one of the Zulu soldiers. His gun was out of bullets. He felt smeone watching him. He looked over to the side and saw Orion staring at him. The evening sun piercing through the windows behind him. He looked like a ghost.
Bear turned his head away and looked inside the room. He saw Bearclaw stab one of the Zulus in the face with dagger. He violently ripped it out with the victim sceaming and bleeding on the floor. Skyhorse tossed another Zulu out the window breaking the glass. Aegina was constantly beating another Zulu in the mouth until he was literally toothless after the victim busted his lip.
The warlord was staring in the door way until a size 10 converse shoe kicked him in the side of his face causing him to bite his tongue and shed blood. It was Chester. He stared down at Baby bear and pulled out a switchblade.
"You f*ckhead! I see yo stupid a** want your life to end early. Besides we got one of yo boys upstairs! Smokin' my sh*t! Whatcha' gonnado now?" he shouted.
Out of nowhere Orion pushed Chester away from Baby bear. He came to the aid of Baby bear pretty fast. "You ok?" Orion mumbled as he sat over his warlord breathing hard. Baby bear just looked at him. A surprise look. He was speechless.
"Take this f*cker!"
Chester rammed the blade into Orion ribcage on his right side. Orion fell over on the red carpet floor crying and screaming.
"F*ck!" Bear shouted. He raised up his leg and kicked Chester away. He got onto his feet and puhed Dr. Death into the wall. He gave him a right hook making him fall to the floor dropping his blade. The warlord stepped on Chesters hand making him scream in pain. He took his right foot and stomped him in the back of his bald head. Skull cracking. What a beautiful tone.
Baby bear turned his attention to Orion who couldn't catch his breath. He rushed over to accompany him. "We're gonna get you to the hospital."
"Leave me here to bleed. All i'll do is come back and f*ck up again. I won't surrender *cough*...to this sh*t" Orion replied in a guttural voice blood rushing out his mouth. The other members were standing out the door watching Bear aid their fallen comrade.
"Im not." Baby bear insisted as he held Orion in his arms like a child.
Orion closed his eyes. Bleeding to death. He finally met the envitable. It was death.
The others were speechless except for Bearclaw.He approached baby bear and put his hand on his right shoudler" C'mon lets go. We can't leave him here. Lets make him a grave. Have a special ceremony. At least he didn't surrender to drugs. He died willingly. Death was his escape from succumbing to this piece of sh*t!"
Baby bear nodded his head. "No surrender."
Silence. Sadness. These two were the aura of the moment. At least he didn't surrender to the drugs and let it all f*ck with his mind completely.
THE END
-
GramercyRiff99
- Moderator
- Posts: 749
- Joined: Thu May 18, 2006 2:22 am
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Before I reveal the winner, I am going to give each of you a critique, so that your skills improve whether or not you're the winner.
Now, the not so good. For starters, you should probably proof read more. If you are, get someone else to do it after you, because it is very easy to miss mistakes if you're the one writing it. This is because you subconsciously scan over it due to already knowing the story. I can guarantee you that your writing will look a hundred times better and read a hundred times better if you can just root out the grammar and spelling errors that are dotted throughout it. In addition, you should work on your descriptions a little more.
Let me give you an example:
"The warriors are in the hangout. Ash comes bursting in all out of breath."
vs.
"The Warriors are standing around in the hangout, the buzz of conversation filling the air around them, along with the smell of alcohol. Several drunken soldiers lie sprawled out on the chairs and couches, one attempting to hit on a nearby woman, much to the amusement of his friends. Suddenly, the doors slam open, Ash flying in like a bat out of hell. His face is drenched with sweat and his chest expanding at a rapid rate. He is unable to speak for a moment as he falls into a chair, his wheezing overwhelming any attempt at talking he makes."
See how a little more description helped that scene? I'm not saying you have to do as much as I did there. Just describing the scenes in more depth adds a lot to your story though. Think about what may be going on in the scene, like with the drunk people mentioned above. Think about the smells, the sights, the sounds. Work that stuff in, and instantly your writing looks less like an outline and more like an actual story. The same goes for fight scenes.
"Ajax Knocks one out."
vs.
"Ajax charges at the nearest Mongrel. He ducks backwards slightly, avoiding a terrible attempt at a punch, and swings his own fist toward the enemy gang member's head. With a tremendous crack, his fist connects with the Mongrel's nose, bone and cartilage snapping with the force of the blow. A muted scream of pain erupts from the man's mouth, which quickly fills with the blood flowing from his broken face. Overwhelmed by shock, he collapses, his body slumping to the ground like a ragdoll. "F*cking pussy," Ajax says, turning to look for another target."
Once again, you don't have to go that in depth, but just saying "Ajax knocks one out" leaves a lot to be desired. How did he knock the guy out? Did he punch him in the face? Did he kick the guy's legs out from under him, causing his head to slam into the ground. Did he kick him in the skull? There are a million ways to knock someone out, leaving you a host of options for description.
Baby Bear: You could also do with a bit of proof-reading, though not much. There really aren't that many mistakes in your writing, but JUST enough to be noticeable. Also, just a heads-up: Tremont is a neighbourhood in the borough of The Bronx. They're not separate entities. Just thought you ought to know.
Also, this is a rather large nitpick, so don't take it as a slight against your writing at all. It's just me using my rather extensive drug knowledge to possibly aid you in later writing. You say that Orion was drugged against his will, then later you say he's addicted to crack cocaine. Unless the junkies tied him up and taped a crack pipe to his mouth and another to his nose, forcing him to inhale it, there's no way they could force him to do crack. You'd probably be looking for something like opium or morphine, because they can be injected (thus you can easily surprise someone and drug them) and are very, VERY addictive if used irresponsibly. Once again, I don't expect you to know that and it's really just a nitpick of mine that I felt like pointing out.
Other than that minor stuff, I honestly can't find anything else to criticize. You were very creative in how you used the theme, with Orion refusing to surrender to drugs rather than a gang refusing to surrender to another gang. Your descriptions and dialogue were very well done. Like I said, I can't think of anything else to say negatively.
Drumroll please!
*drumroll*
The winner is... BABY BEAR!
Sorry nazzac. I spent a lot of time writing out that critique up there because I know you have the potential to be a great writer. Hopefully you can use it, make your writing better, and then the next time I do one of these, end up champion. However, in this competition, Baby Bear is a clear winner.
Baby Bear, you are hereby moving on to the second round. nazzac, you are not, HOWEVER, you hereby have permission to put the following into your sig, formatted however you like (without the quotes, obviously): "I was a first round competitor in GramercyRiff99's Fan Fiction Contest."
Bold it, put it in colours, whatever. Anyone who competes in one of these things deserves recognition for putting your writing out to be judged in front of the whole forum.
Now on to judge the other two threads...
THE CRITIQUE
nazzac: You had some great ideas, but the presentation was off. However, before I say the bad, I will say the good. That first interaction between Snow, Cochise, and Vermin was incredibly well done. I read it and all I could think was "That actually sounds EXACTLY like what you'd see if someone unearthed a deleted scene set after the walk into the sunrise at the end". It was very realistically done, and the different "voices" of the characters came across perfectly. Also, the introduction of Ajax made me laugh pretty hard, just because with no explanation a cop burst in, only to have Ajax knock him out within a half second. The mental image was priceless, though you probably should have expanded on why exactly a cop was bursting into their hangout with his gun drawn.Now, the not so good. For starters, you should probably proof read more. If you are, get someone else to do it after you, because it is very easy to miss mistakes if you're the one writing it. This is because you subconsciously scan over it due to already knowing the story. I can guarantee you that your writing will look a hundred times better and read a hundred times better if you can just root out the grammar and spelling errors that are dotted throughout it. In addition, you should work on your descriptions a little more.
Let me give you an example:
"The warriors are in the hangout. Ash comes bursting in all out of breath."
vs.
"The Warriors are standing around in the hangout, the buzz of conversation filling the air around them, along with the smell of alcohol. Several drunken soldiers lie sprawled out on the chairs and couches, one attempting to hit on a nearby woman, much to the amusement of his friends. Suddenly, the doors slam open, Ash flying in like a bat out of hell. His face is drenched with sweat and his chest expanding at a rapid rate. He is unable to speak for a moment as he falls into a chair, his wheezing overwhelming any attempt at talking he makes."
See how a little more description helped that scene? I'm not saying you have to do as much as I did there. Just describing the scenes in more depth adds a lot to your story though. Think about what may be going on in the scene, like with the drunk people mentioned above. Think about the smells, the sights, the sounds. Work that stuff in, and instantly your writing looks less like an outline and more like an actual story. The same goes for fight scenes.
"Ajax Knocks one out."
vs.
"Ajax charges at the nearest Mongrel. He ducks backwards slightly, avoiding a terrible attempt at a punch, and swings his own fist toward the enemy gang member's head. With a tremendous crack, his fist connects with the Mongrel's nose, bone and cartilage snapping with the force of the blow. A muted scream of pain erupts from the man's mouth, which quickly fills with the blood flowing from his broken face. Overwhelmed by shock, he collapses, his body slumping to the ground like a ragdoll. "F*cking pussy," Ajax says, turning to look for another target."
Once again, you don't have to go that in depth, but just saying "Ajax knocks one out" leaves a lot to be desired. How did he knock the guy out? Did he punch him in the face? Did he kick the guy's legs out from under him, causing his head to slam into the ground. Did he kick him in the skull? There are a million ways to knock someone out, leaving you a host of options for description.
Baby Bear: You could also do with a bit of proof-reading, though not much. There really aren't that many mistakes in your writing, but JUST enough to be noticeable. Also, just a heads-up: Tremont is a neighbourhood in the borough of The Bronx. They're not separate entities. Just thought you ought to know.
Also, this is a rather large nitpick, so don't take it as a slight against your writing at all. It's just me using my rather extensive drug knowledge to possibly aid you in later writing. You say that Orion was drugged against his will, then later you say he's addicted to crack cocaine. Unless the junkies tied him up and taped a crack pipe to his mouth and another to his nose, forcing him to inhale it, there's no way they could force him to do crack. You'd probably be looking for something like opium or morphine, because they can be injected (thus you can easily surprise someone and drug them) and are very, VERY addictive if used irresponsibly. Once again, I don't expect you to know that and it's really just a nitpick of mine that I felt like pointing out.
Other than that minor stuff, I honestly can't find anything else to criticize. You were very creative in how you used the theme, with Orion refusing to surrender to drugs rather than a gang refusing to surrender to another gang. Your descriptions and dialogue were very well done. Like I said, I can't think of anything else to say negatively.
THE JUDGING
Alas, one of you must be eliminated, as there can only be one winner.Drumroll please!
*drumroll*
The winner is... BABY BEAR!
Sorry nazzac. I spent a lot of time writing out that critique up there because I know you have the potential to be a great writer. Hopefully you can use it, make your writing better, and then the next time I do one of these, end up champion. However, in this competition, Baby Bear is a clear winner.
Baby Bear, you are hereby moving on to the second round. nazzac, you are not, HOWEVER, you hereby have permission to put the following into your sig, formatted however you like (without the quotes, obviously): "I was a first round competitor in GramercyRiff99's Fan Fiction Contest."
Bold it, put it in colours, whatever. Anyone who competes in one of these things deserves recognition for putting your writing out to be judged in front of the whole forum.
Now on to judge the other two threads...
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Just to say well done Baby Bear!
And if I get through, even tho i probably wont, I would hate to face you!
Unlucky Nazzac.
And gr99, i have to say you put a lot of time into your judging. So I think you should be praised as well for puttin so much effort into it.
And if I get through, even tho i probably wont, I would hate to face you!
Unlucky Nazzac.
And gr99, i have to say you put a lot of time into your judging. So I think you should be praised as well for puttin so much effort into it.
[img]http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm208/Luther828/Imgonnamakethispencildissapearsig.gif[/img]
"Let me do a magic trick,
"I'm gonna make this pencil...disappear!
" Ta-Dah!
"It's...gone!"
"Let me do a magic trick,
"I'm gonna make this pencil...disappear!
" Ta-Dah!
"It's...gone!"
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
first of all. Congratulations Baby bear. Good read and i think you will win it.
I'm not angry that i lossed. Not offence to any other writters in the contest, but i think i had a very hard opponant. I knew when i saw who i was up against, i thought god, it is gonna be a hard one. So i hope to enjoy reading the semis and final. And good luck to all competetors who get through.
I'm not angry that i lossed. Not offence to any other writters in the contest, but i think i had a very hard opponant. I knew when i saw who i was up against, i thought god, it is gonna be a hard one. So i hope to enjoy reading the semis and final. And good luck to all competetors who get through.
Nazzac The Living Legend: http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=11962.0
The Bangers(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10828.0
FURIES:Their Story(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10754.0
The Bangers(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10828.0
FURIES:Their Story(F): http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=10754.0
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Thanks for the feedback.
I expected to get the whole drug thing kinda screwed up. Like you said I really don't have any knowledge about drugs. I just tried to bring drug addiction attention to everyone.
Nazzac, At least you tried,man. I say just try more and you'll be good.
I expected to get the whole drug thing kinda screwed up. Like you said I really don't have any knowledge about drugs. I just tried to bring drug addiction attention to everyone.
Nazzac, At least you tried,man. I say just try more and you'll be good.
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The Jewish Juggernaut
- Rank: Electric Eliminator
- Posts: 91
- Joined: Mon Aug 27, 2007 1:34 pm
Re: Fan Fiction Competition Round 1: Baby Bear vs. nazzac
Hey Baby Bear, maybe we will have that long awaited confrentation between the Grizzlies and Josiah's Army