Voe: Fan Fic conest semi finals: Gramercy Riff99 vs Dud vs L

[nazzac]

The writing is over, the vote begins.

Which one of these writers wrote the best story:

Gramercy Riff99

Dud

Or

The Lady Warrior

The 2 with the most votes go through to the Final.

To See the storys click the link below
http://warriorsmovie.co.uk/forum/index. ... ic=12257.0

Remember, what you should be voting for is how interesting it is, detail, grammer and punctuation, and how it links in with the title, which was The one and Only


You have a week to vote so

VOTE NOW!!!!

[GramercyRiff99]

Just to remind everyone, so nazzac doesn't have to, you're supposed to make a post saying who you voted for in the poll.

[nazzac]

Cheers GR99. Please read the an fics before voting.

[Dud]

Here's a though: are the competitors allowed to vote in this? Not for ourselves obviously, but to vote for who is better out of the other two. So in my case, it'd be for me to vote between GR99 and lady warrior.

Yay or nay?

[nazzac]

I guess you're allowed to do that, but i'd think about it if i was you because your vote could send you out.

Feel free to vote for the other 2 if you wish.

[Dud]

hmm, I may actually get knocked out because of this, but I voted for GR99. Reason being, he hadn't received a vote before mine, and I think he's got the best piece in this round. As both a reader and a fellow writer, I can certainly appreciate how well-written his story was, and it was an interesting interpretation of the title.

Lady Warrior's was also good; it touched on the subject of scopes, which I haven't seen before, but I just think GR99's piece was very good.

[nazzac]

Please stae who you have voted for. I only know of 1 vote, and that was Dud voting for GR99. Lady Warrior and Duds voters haven't said anything.

[union_jack]

Very close between Dud and GR99 but i went with GR, I guess it was the most immersive and there was some good stuff.

Really i liked em all!

[GramercyRiff99]

I'm voting for Dud, and not just because he voted for me. I legitimately think he did a hell of a job on that story. The action scenes are incredibly well written, the dialogue is always perfect for the situation, the story stays interesting from start to finish, and it is just generally very well written. It's one of the best fics I've seen on this forum in recent times, is what I'm saying.

the lady warrior, before I say anything, I don't want you to take any of this personally. I'm a big fan of constructive criticism, and I think hearing this will really help you improve. You obviously put effort into your story, and that's commendable, but you should really work on your style. By that I mean grammar, spelling, sentence structure, and punctuation. As it stands, I find it really hard to actually read your work because it just seems to tumble all over itself, if that makes sense. Another thing to keep in mind is that detail is good. It takes a lot of extra time to really put detail into what your characters are doing, and what's going on around them, but it makes a massive difference. When I read your story, it kinda feels like I'm watching a VHS tape on fast-forward. I absorb the main point of what's going on (Scopes runs to his canvas, starts his tag, runs across the field and gets two more spray cans, busts a few heads, and continues his tag), but there's none of the richness and detail that I'd get from actually watching the movie at normal speed. Only in this case, fast-forward is the only mode available, if you get the idea. You don't see the other people beating each other up in the background. You don't see the flickering shadows as taggers dodge in and out of the sodium lighting in the baseball park. You don't hear the angry shouts in the background as people smash through each other, fighting for their honor and sometimes their lives. It's just... a series of directions as to what happens, like a draft copy.

That brings me to one last point: the story isn't very satisfying, because there isn't really an ending. Yeah, Scopes got shot, but why? Who was the dude in the hoodie? I've read your story several times now and, unless I'm just missing it, you never actually give any indication of why this random guy shot Scopes. Only some vague hint that Scopes "died for graffiti". What I'm saying is that your story should always lead to a satisfying conclusion for the reader. I'm not saying you need to tie up every single loose end, and indeed, sometimes an open ending can work incredibly well. The thing is that this isn't one of those times. Not giving us any solid reason for why Scopes was killed just leaves us with a pretty action scene and a bunch of questions.

The solution to all of this, of course, is simply to write more (which is hardly a punishment, all things considered). You may want to work your google-fu and look up some internet resources on writing. There is a huge amount of information freely available nowadays, from the most general aspects of the craft to the most detailed crap imaginable, and it's amazing how helpful some of it can be. Again, don't read into this as me passing judgment or anything. It's just a truthful appraisal of your entry, is all. I look forward to reading your works in the future.

[the lady warrior]

with all respect normally i do put in detail, like in my story what everyone i think seemed to like(thank you for youse who liked it 8)) the warriors-a love story and my collab with union_jack, but i think because it was just a one-off compotetion i sorta forgot tht in things like this you need to concentrate like i do in my proper fan-fics and also im not using this as an excuse or anything i was jinda feeling under-the-weather that night so my mind was all over the place and that explains the mistakes i made and also i wasnt going to do it that night coz i knew if i done my fan-fic it would be crap so i just thought well im ill, and i just want to get it over and done with but yes i agree with you on my spelling it needs to sharpen up, even in my proper fan-fics the spelling's abit off and im sorry for that but i think in my fan-fics(not this one) tht you can see ive put in alot of hard work and really i think well if you can see past some of the litttle spelling mistakes then you can see the real detail ive put in it... and that brings me back to this fan-fic i should of worked a litttle bit harder on spelling and explaining things in detail, but like i said i normally do and from this i dont want ppl to not to read my fan-fics ecause of this little fan-fic compotetion mistake so plz guys still read my proper fan-fics without hesitation because even i know this wasnt my best work but next time i do another fan-fic or continue my collab with union i will defo read up on my spelling coz you all know i can do detail so i dont need to work on that soo much coz this time inoo i didnt put in much detail but like i said its becos i was ill and my head was all over the place and GR99 i will take tht critisism in account but i just want you to look at my other stuff and look at what im capable of, do it just goes to show that i may of made big mistakes here but when it comes to the crunch im way better than writing stories than ive showed on this compo because theres evidence, plus i have to say agen my story in this compo is pap and dud i salute you and GR99!!
p.s one more thing i wanted to not give away who shot scopes because i wanted to let the reader use there imagination on it and i wanted to focus on more on what he died for i.e focusing it on the title the one and only, but yes GR99 your right i should of explained more and thanks for the constructive critsism!!

[Dud]

Thanks GR, I must say a comment like that is certainly appreciated, especially from someone like you; thank you very much. Would also like to give props to you for taking the time & effort to sit down and type that message out with the intention of not just helping lady warrior, but any other writers who read it. Kudos.

Also, just a little plea from me to anyone reading this: this thread, at the time of writing, has had 117 views, and yet we've only had 5 votes. Myself, GramercyRiff and lady warrior have all put effort into this, as did union jack and Jewish Juggernaut last round, and I'm sure getting a few more votes and comments on our respective fics would certainly compliment our work. Competitions like this are supposed to exhibit what we have in our relatively small fan-fic section, just as the gang logo art competition a while back was supposed to showcase the forum's artistic ability. So come on guys, let's get a few more votes on this. 8)

[the lady warrior]

thnaks dud and yes i agree everyone has but in a tremendous amount of work espically dud nd my sorta helper mentor thing on this compo ma main man GR99, so yeah if  more ppl could vote that would be brill, and thanx bopper's!!!

[nazzac]

So that is it. The Semi Final is over and Dud and Gramercy Riff99 emerge victorious and progress to the final.

Unlucky Lady warrior, just losing out by 1 vote.